Here is the only thing you know: the body remembers.
Holding a knife feels as natural to you as walking, running, slipping in under someone’s defenses and wrapping your metallic fingers around their throat.
Here is the only thing you know how to do: pull the trigger. Wrap your hands around hilts and push blades into bodies. It’s all just meat.
Seven days. That’s how long you’ve been awake. Every time they’d point you at a target, take off the leash and set a weapon down in front of you, the world looked different, somehow, but they’d pull you back, push rubber between your teeth and wipe you clean again before it mattered.
JUST IN CASE YOUR HEART SOMEHOW WASN’T ON FIRE WITH STEVE/BUCKY EMOTIONAL DEVASTATION, HERE, HAVE THIS BEAUTIFULLY CRAFTED INCREDIBLY WRITTEN UNBEARABLY PAINFUL BONFIRE OF A FANFICTION, GO ON, JUST READ IT, oh god, oh god, i am so emotionally compromised i don’t know what to do with myself
imagine bucky and natasha whispering behind steve’s back in russian, just little harmless things like “he’s cute when he’s angry” and “if you tell him he’s got a nice ass he’ll turn the color of your hair” so steve decides he’s gonna learn some russian so he can understand…
If you have been bullied, hit, teased, put down, hurt, lied to, or hated by your own family; you don’t need to justify how you feel. You don’t need to explain yourself. You are allowed to hate a family member or dislike a family member if they’ve given you a reason to.